A Misplaced Ironhide
by Omicron the IceQueen
Summary: He's not Lost, really, Ironhide just misplaced himself, and the planet he's on... wait, he's not supposed to talk as a truck? Frag this hiding thing is harder than it looks!


Co-writen with Strom Dacona

**A Misplaced Ironhide**

She should have gone and done this choir yesterday. It was too early, and it was, "Bloomin' cold..." still from the desert's winter night, but here she was. The young woman was dressed in jeans with her pajama pants underneath- to make it easier to go straight back to bed dangit- she'd opted a sports bra because it was at least comfy and her t-shirt. Her brown hair was a haphazard mess of curls.

In basics the woman was as close to presentable as she was going to get considering _she didn't wanna be up_.

It was basically sleep walking as she went to the first truck that was parked, the dim light not showing it was black and not dark grey. Nor that it was a Ford but no one ever said she was observant when tired. The door was open an she'd heard the truck beep an unlock, not realizing it'd been the truck on the _other side_ of this one. Inside was oddly...warm. In was almost like summer heat and completely quiet, and there was a faint tingle of energy that the woman could feel as she started to climb in.

_What do you think you're doin'?_ the truck...thought.

It was obvious the female was still not fully coherent to realize. There was a dim blink at the strange temperature and sensation... as well as the feeling of being watched as she went to find the ignition to start the truck sleepily sighing. "Let's get this over with." As if someone was there. Not that she realized there actually, you know, _was_.

"Git what done?" A growling, rumbling voice asked, unable to help it.

Yep, the woman was half asleep, as she started with, "Getting horse fee-," There was a pause and then a rather interesting, startled noise to come out of the human as the woman literally _bailed_ with a strangled squeak. Jumping she reflexively jerked to the side and landed ungracefully on the ground, staring up at the truck. Only then did she realize that she was pressed against the massive tire of her actual truck.

"...The truck talked." She paused and added, "With a drawl."

"...what's wrong with that?" the truck demanded after a pause, the sound of the voice seemed to come from the speakers as well as another place. It had a metallic reverb, and the growling undertone was still there. The door was still open and heat rolling out with the red-ish glow from cabin light. It wasn't hostel somehow though.

"The drawls fine. Trucks aren't supposed to talk." April paused again. "...Damnit I must be crazy, the trucks talking or the fact I'm talking _back."_ The brunet face palmed at that.

"They aren't? They don't?" There was a rather long, drawn out silence from the talking truck, and then a grumpy "Well _scrap__!_ ...I didn't talk just now." The large black hunkered lower on its wheels, the door starting to close, before it froze and twitched guiltily back open again. "I'm disguised... forgot I said that too."

April slowly rose an arching eyebrow, "Ain't that easy big guy, but if its any consolation, I won't tell nobody. No one'd believe me anyways..." She sorely got the rest of herself up from that ungraceful bailout of the driver's seat. "So what are you? Real life knight rider or what?"

"Knight what? Scrap- forget that too. Ah' mean...frag." The truck gave a sound that might have been the equivalent of a sigh from somewhere in the engine compartment, and grumbled out, "...Mah name's Ironhide."

April gave an amused smile at his verbal floundering, but kept from going any closer to him as she wrapping her arms around herself to ward off the morning chill. "I'm April. Again don't worry about it, I won't say nuthin." She shrugged a shoulder. "What brings ya to my driveway?" April asked in an amused tone now.

"Ah... um... misplaced... mahself..." was the drawn out half mumble, half attempt to save some dignity, though it wasn't working even to the truck's audios.

"...Ya got yerself lost?" She raised her eyebrows at him, not laughing just...well amused.

"What?" The truck demanded, coming up on 'his' tires again (it was a male sounding voice after all), at the dreaded 'L' word of lost.

"Ya have an idea where ya need tah go at least even if ya don't know where yer at?"

"...no, ah' don't." There was that sighing like sound again. "And Ah'm misplaced, not lost."

April head tilted, and suddenly feeling bad for Ironhide, "Anyone ya can call? If you can get a general idea of where ya need to go I might be able to help ya get there." Google maps, and then send talking truck on way. A horse nicker reminded her of what she'd been intending to do.

"Mah' coms are shot." The black truck shifted ever so slightly, the movement small enough not to be seen, yet large enough to be sensed. "Have tah wait until repair systems fix it before tryin' ta call the Prime."

"Ah, well... that's a drag." She was oddly amused he still had his door open like it mattered...or did it need to be open so she could hear him? She winced when a horse started banging. "Well umm. Yer welcome to stay parked here long as ya need I gotta go real fast an get them critters food before they tear down the doors..."

"Thanks... uuuh..." If there could ever be a vocal wince there was one now, "Could Ah help ya?" _Don't try and start that thing, please sparkling don't..._ That was one of the many trucks that he had scanned, and wasn't sure now after seeing the native live of how the truck would react to the Cybertronian energy.

April had turned towards her truck and hesitated. Slowly turning to face the truck, him, "You'll get covered in hay..."There was a look that spoke she heard that 'wince' and was eyeing him carefully.

"Is it sticky?" The truck asked, careful but at the same time didn't sound weird-ed out.

"Nah, it brushes off easy, its dry grass basically. I sweep it outta this thing after I get it." April patted her truck's side, and nodded to where there was some of the stuff accumulated on the ground, little bits of green dust and small twigs by the tailgate.

"Oh, that's not bad."

April gave Ironhide a calculating look. "You seriously wanna help me go get feed?" Was she really considering it for that matter? Hey... it would save gas at least?

"...Ah'm extremely pressed for time being misplaced, but Ah can work it in." The truck said in a deadpan, proving that bored redneck humor was truly universal at the same time.

"Sarcasm noted. Yer bored." April rubbed the back of her neck before hesitantly walking to the open door. There was a leery sense she had, before the woman cautiously climbed in again feeling slightly awkward. This truck was alive after all...

The door stayed open, though when the woman used it to help herself climb up it didn't move like a normal car door would in that situation. nothing happened out the ordinary except that fact that the big black truck had talked, it seems like a normal truck.

Could it move other than the door?

April settled in the seat before reaching out to close the door, habit made her put the seatbelt on. But when it came time to actually start rolling she hesitated unsure. It's not like he had a _key_. What was she supposed to do?

"Can you drive or do you need me too?" April asked, figuring it was a safe question.

"..." There was a pause, and then one of two computer screens in the dash lit up. For a moment, the screen displayed glyphs, but only for a split second before being replaced by English words and recognizable sings. One of them saying 'start' with a picture of a key. The talking Truck was keyless.

Well. This was new, touching the start she nearly jumped as the engine fired. It started with a half roar and settled into grumbling while the truck idled.

"...huh." The truck 'said' thinking over the odd feeling of someone else controlling his form. It was talking far more will power then he expected to not lock himself down... but that wouldn't be a good idea- even he knew that much.

When he didn't try to move she took the hint and rested her hands on the steering wheel but didn't shift into gear just yet. "You ok?"

"Why wouldn't Ah be?" There was a sound like a snort, though the grumbling engine didn't change in any way.

"Cuz ya feel like a jittery horse." She smiled a bit, putting him into gear and carefully backing out, paying attention to where she was going, as well as paying attention to the living truck she was well... driving.

"Ah'm not jittery... Ah had a first Aid check me over a hundred years ago." The truck huffed.

"It means yer tense hon, not as in physically jittering." Shifting into drive and heading down the dirt road, mindful not to take anything to fast and thus have him vibrate everywhere.

"...ah'ma truck..." The voice said, Ironhide was baffled now.

"You're a sentient truck," She paused thinking of the words, "The energy around you? If that makes sense is giving that impression."

So humans _could_ sense energy fields after all. There was an out of place rumble, as the truck gave a thoughtful impression, "Ironhide." he said after a pause, to remind April of his name.

She quirked an eyebrow with an amused smile, "April," Though if she recalled right they had introduced each other. Never knew and best to stay on the safe side, and Ironhide didn't seem to mind.

"...what the frag is that?" He demanded as a he spotted a hybrid car once on the main road.

"What the car?" April look to her left and saw the Prius drive by. "Its a hybrid car, battery and gasoline operated." Iron hide was so big that the woman was sure the little thing could probably park underneath him.

"Did a Minibot frag a Microcon to make that?" the living truck wondered aloud. The inside of Ironhide's windscreen highlighting the little blue car as it zipped past him, with a very strange glypth blinking beside it. Just under that was a '?!' blinking in time.

April managed to not to just sit and laugh (she was driving!), shaking her head she said, "It's not sentient, it's just a car we humans built. It doesn't produce really any emissions. Helps the environment supposedly." Watching the little car just zip around for a moment (was that Tarry showing off?), she was amused by the windshield but not completely taken off guard. "So you got a HUD screen for a windshield or what?"

"Well, yes." Ironhide said, sounding as if the thought of not having a heads up display was unheard of, instead of the other way around. Then the truck added more cheerfully, "I have targeting too."

"Having a HUD isn't common." April chuckled and then she paused at the truck mentioned. "Targeting?"

"Ayep." The truck chuckled, and proud of himself the passenger side of the HUD displayed several images of weapons, scrolling through a list in face since they couldn't' all fit.

"...Holy crap you're a rolling armory." She was caught between paying attention to the road and what he was showing off. "...Is that a giant shotgun?"

"Scattershot," Ironhide corrected. "Eighteen cartridge, pulled it off a Decepticon myself."

"What's a decepticon?" Head tilting as she saw the feed barn up ahead. Scattershot...bucketshot?

"Ah'm not sure ah should tell ya... well, scrap it." There was an impression of a shrug that didn't show in the mech's truck form, "Decepticons are what ya'd call the 'bad guys,' started a war and infected mah home. Ah don't _think_ they're here..."

"So...sentient vehicles raging war?" To say April was confused was an understantment as she pulls into the feed barn. "Hold that thought." Quickly she hopped out, going to place her order.

It was a small lot, a bitty office building and giant aluminum lean too's behind, with what looked like hay bales stacked 20 feet high underneath. The human woman trotted back out of the office with a paper slip and climbed back into his cab.

"Okay." She said, inviting the truck to continue as April waited for the guys to get to the hay bales before moving.

"What is this place?" Ironhide asked, his scanners flicking from one thing to another, then focused on the tiny little dog sniffing his tire. A digital image of it was made on the HUD, the truck was giving the impression of glaring at the chiwahwa that was getting too friendly with his rear tired.

"Where I get my feed." April gave a sharp whistle at the dog after rolling the window down, before moving him to the 2nd bay. "I go in an pay for how many bales I want, an then I go to the bay where the type of feed I wanted is an we'll get loaded up." Really, she shouldn't be so entertained by the HUD screen. But she was.

"You use this stuff as fuel too?" The truck asked, watching everything now that he could while Ironhide was backed up. "Why are those males staring at my aft?"

"I use it to feed my horses, they use it as fuel." The woman blinked and eyebrowed again as the loader walked over with a grin warily rolling the window down again.

"Since when you get this Beaut of a truck?" he asked

April shook her head casting a 'shhh!' glance at Ironhide's dashboard, "Friend's loaning it to me for the day."

"Some friend. Man what kinda truck is it?" Him an the other loader were of course appreciating the black massive truck as the 3rd tossed another bale down to be loaded.

"Er not sure." The guy shrugged in that 'girls' manner chuckling going back to loading. April breathed carefully rolling the window up. Plus kept hay dust from flying in. "...They're checking you out cuz your a nice truck. What _kind_ of truck are you anyways?"

"Me." Ironhide said, "Ah just put together what Ah liked from what ah scanned."

"...Yep yer a custom." She watched as the guy waved that they were done. Waving through the window she carefully started rolling forward. "Wait a minute scanned?"

"Yes scanned." Ironhide said, watching April again. Or rather how she was driving. "How else would Ah get this form?"

"...What do you normally look like?" April looked confused as she drove, but was heading back to where they'd met it seemed. It had taken a while to asked that, long enough to nearly be back to her home.

The HUD glowed and then instead of displaying it there, Ironhide changed his mind, showing a wire frame of his robotic form on one of the computer displays. "Ah can't exactly stand up right now."

Aprils jaw _dropped_. The stunned look as they pulled into her property the gate open so she could easily get it to the barns and parking him by the open doors. Sitting stunned for a moment as she absorbed what she was seeing on the display screens, and remembering all those proudly displayed weapons.

"You're...a..._robot?"_


End file.
